The Fresh Connection

So my Dad and Stepmother went to a movie theater many years ago, and my Dad kept whispering comments to her such as, "I think it's him." My Stepmother finally asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "I'm trying to figure out who the enemy is." She said, "The enemy? What are you talking about?"

He thought they had gone to see "Sleeping With the Enemy."

They actually were watching "While You Were Sleeping."

The first is a thriller, the second a romantic comedy.

With that, I have to tell you about ... The Trailer Mash. Check out http://www.thetrailermash.com/

Mashups either combine two or more movies to make a "new movie," or they portray one movie in a completely different way. Not only are a lot of them funny, it's amazing to see how the editing of trailers can twist a movie into a completely different genre. For those of you who have seen "The Notebook," the latest mashup is pretty remarkable, turning it into a horror film.

I have neither the free time nor the technology to post new mashups, but the way my brain works with connections, I can think of a ton of them. I have a list of dozens filed away somewhere. A sampling of what I can remember:

1. While You Were Sleeping With the Enemy.

2. Sleepless in Seattle Grace = Sleepless in Seattle and Grey's Anatomy. (Seattle Grace is the name of the hospital.) All of the female nurses and doctors would rush to meet Tom Hanks on the Empire State Building. (I know one's a TV show, but it was too good to pass up.)

3. Caddyshark = Caddyshack and Jaws. (Though a golfer's assistant is really spelled "caddie.") Instead of a gopher under the green, it's a Great White. Bill Murray blows him up. The end.

4. The Fresh Connection = Will "The Fresh Prince" Smith movies and The French Connection. Will runs and runs and runs.

5. When Harry and the Hendersons Met Sally.

6. Good Free Willy Hunting.

7. Sling Blade Runner.

8. The Bridges of Madison County on the River Kwai.

For those of you with the time and the technology, let me know when you post those trailers.

Screenplay in the snow

One scene down, so many more to go.

In February, I thought up a scene to add to "The Bride and the Grooms," my upcoming romantic comedy movie. It required snow. While I was at it, I should have included children, animals and pyrotechnics. I am making my first feature -- why make it easy on myself?

Even though Ohio winters go on and on and on, it was now or November.

I did not want to shoot with fake snow -- mashed potato flakes, anyone? -- during production in July. Gotta keep it real ... even though we were making a fake story. Ironic, no?

So I met two brave actors and one brave cameraperson in a parking lot on a bone-chilling night.

Lead actress Jacilyn Ledford not only didn't complain, she asked if we could do extra takes as bride-to-be Taylor Green. Oliver Gray, playing pastor-to-be T.J. Teodoro, offered a solid, consistent performance in his first scene and is funny as all get out. Camera operator Andrew Stone was efficient and effective as he made sure we quickly got all the shots we needed before we froze.

With a newborn, the footage sat on a shelf, unwatched until this week.

When I finally got a chance to piece the shots together, all fatigue -- from lack of sleep, from caring for my kids, from preproduction -- faded away.

I was re-energized by seeing what we produced. It worked. Despite the obstacles -- the cold, the time constraints, the quickly written scene -- it worked.

The scene was written with one song in mind and one song only. Molly Morgan's "Ohio" fits perfectly, from the tone to the lyrics, as it includes the line: "Can we go / Can we go back to Ohio / And play in the snow?"

That's just one of five songs we are using that were written, performed and sung by the talented Ms. Morgan.

I can't wait to include the rest of the songs.

I can't wait to see the rest of the movie.

(To hear Molly Morgan's music, go to myspace.com/mollymorganmusic)

Beginning again at Bennigan's

Without a Taylor, it could have unraveled.

The first actress who accepted the lead role of Taylor Green in "The Bride and the Grooms" discontinued contact with me a year ago. No explanation. Very unprofessional. If that was how it was going to be, at least I found out in advance.

So I posted ads on Craigslist and Neohiopal for a second set of auditions. These were to be held at the place that is synonymous with movie auditions: Donatos.

The Montrose pizza restaurant graciously allowed me to take over the Party Room. I rearranged the tables and chairs before several actresses and a few actors showed up. The young women knew their lines and offered differing takes on the tomboy ballerina, Taylor. From those auditions, I cast the talented Shaphan David Seiders, Kendra Norris and Cari Kristoff in other roles, but I still was Taylor-less. The actresses, though adept, did not seem right for the part.

It got to the point that I asked one of the waitresses if she had ever acted. (She hadn't.)

When I checked my e-mail, I realized there was one actress who had contacted me but had been unable to come to the first two auditions. With nothing to lose, I set up a third audition at that other movie audition hot spot: Bennigan's.

On that day in that Montrose restaurant, Jacilyn "Jaci" Ledford was the only actress to audition for Taylor. When her audition was over, I thought she was the only actress who could play Taylor.

I thought about offering her the part on the spot, but I resisted. I called her the next day. It was a quick call, but at least I didn't pull a Mikey and scare her off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0PUrNwvvBk

As time has passed, she has only reassured me about the choice.

When I was searching for a church to host the big wedding scene, Jaci offered to bake brownies to help influence the decision-makers. Not just any brownies, but ones made with holy water and covered in cross-shaped icing.

Yeah, she's Taylor.

I'd like to meet our Taylor

In Warren Zevon's "Werewolves of London," there is the line, "I'd like to meet his tailor." Whenever it comes on the radio, I sing along (if there is no one else in the car, of course), imagining the line ending with "Taylor."

"I'd like to meet his Taylor."

Taylor was going to be the name of my daughter, if my wife and I ever had a daughter.

We had three sons.

So all of my scripts have a Taylor in them. Some have side characters named Taylor. In "The Bride and the Grooms," Taylor Green is the main charater. I wrote the part of Taylor Green for Jennifer Garner, a Golden Globe-winning, Emmy-nominated actress who has carried several movies on her own. Since Jen was unavailable, I had to look elsewhere.

So my expectations for the actress who would play the lead role in "The Bride and the Grooms" were, I guess you could say, raised.

Through the roof.

Sky high.

Which is why the audition process started a year ago. I had made the bold proclamation that I was going to make a feature-length romantic comedy movie, and I had to find actresses and actors to play the parts.

Oh, and did I mention that they all had to accept deferred pay? I needed great actors who would work for no up-front money.

This should go well.

On a Sunday afternoon in the basement of the Madison Branch of Lakewood Public Library, near Cleveland, Ohio, actresses and actors lined up outside the door to perform lines that I had written. It was a surreal experience. For years, I had thought up these lines, changed them, tweaked them and finally showed them to others. And these people, whom I had never met, were not just saying the lines. They had memorized the lines and were performing them in character.

Surreal.

Many of the actresses, of course, wanted the lead role. They wanted to be Taylor. I wanted one of them to be Taylor. I needed one of them to be Taylor. She is the anchor of the movie. As I said hello to them in the hallway and had them sign in, I thought, "I'd like to meet our Taylor."

There were several impressive performances. In that first audition the hilarious Michael Wendt and Melissa Logsdon (both pictured) won roles. I cast another actor and another actress who would end up moving to California and had to back out.

Surprise of all surprises, I also cast the role of Taylor.

The actress nailed the audition, and I could not believe our good fortune. I thought she would be the most difficult person to find. But here she was. We talked over the role, she accepted my offer and I brought her the script.

And I never heard from her again.

(To be continued. Next: Beginning again at Bennigan's)

The Spy in the Cafeteria

After almost straight-A-ing my way through ninth grade at a public junior high in Charleston, West Virginia -- the only B I got on my report card was for a 92 in first-semester History; at that school, you needed a 94 for an A -- I thought I needed to better my chances of getting into my dream school, the University of Virginia.

So I decided I had to go to The Episcopal High School in Alexandria, Virginia. The "The" indicated my grades would be taken more seriously.

I got horrible grades and had to move back home after a year.

(Thank goodness my Dad did not make me stay all through high school as his father made him stay at Episcopal's rival school, Woodberry Forest.)

During the year away, I received several letters from my Charleston buddies who were at George Washington High School. (Yes, letters. Through the post office. This was before e-mail. Yes, I am old.)

I read all about the amazing-looking twins who would go on to become The Homecoming Queen and The One Who Should Have Been Homecoming Queen. I read all about all of the pretty girls while the only girl at prep school I would see for several months was the chaplain's daughter.

And when I say "see," I mean I would see her around campus. From afar. I think the closest I ever got to her was when I held the door for her. And I think I held the door open for a good three minutes during her approach.

So everyone else from my junior high had a year head start on me for getting to know the ladies. Fortunately, by virtue of my friendships from ninth grade, I was "allowed" to sit at the "cool" table of underclassmen in the cafeteria as I tried to catch up in the socializing race in 11th grade.

Little did I know there was a future spy in the cafeteria. Not just in the cafeteria. At the table, sitting near me. She had a pretty face, caring eyes and a sweet personality.

And she talked to me.

I found out that she was a 10th-grader and took ballet. This girl was opening the door for me. How so?

"I took ballet for eight years," I said.

"Nuh-uh." she said.

She didn't believe me. Why didn't she believe me? You would think if I was feeding her a line, I would think of something other than "I took ballet for eight years."

Well, I will show her, I thought. So the next day, I brought in proof -- a 5x7 photo of me wearing ballet slippers my Mom had spray-painted white, fringe-covered white pants, a fringe-covered white vest and a pink-and-white Native American headdress my Grandma had made for me.

And I wonder why she never went out with me.

Actually, she had a boyfriend. Not that she would have gone out with me had she not had a boyfriend, but I am sticking to the story that the reasoning was she had a boyfriend.

Not that I was a shy nerd.

Or that I used to wear a pink-and-white headdress.

A decade later, I saw her at a Christmas Eve service at church. She walked right up to me and gave me a hug. I was stunned. I stammered as I got her address and told her I was going to write a screenplay for her one day.

Another decade later, I am finally making that screenplay into a movie. I tailored the main character, Taylor, after her. She is from Charleston. And a ballerina. And has a lot of guy friends.

And that girl from the cafeteria won't be in the movie.

She became a spy.

And got a new boyfriend.

Maybe they will attend the premiere.

If they show up, I'll be the one holding the door open. I'll even wait longer than three minutes.

Engaged in Conversation

Here comes "The Bride." It's just 11 weeks away.

Production for "The Bride and the Grooms," an independent romantic comedy movie, will commence on July 18 in Akron, Ohio. My first feature as a writer, director and producer is about a woman who accidentally gets engaged to four men at the same time.

Happens all the time, right?

The script has gone through several changes over the years. The original title was "One Bride for Seven Brothers," because Taylor Green accidentally got engaged to seven fraternity brothers. Seven got trimmed down to five, in part because the story was so unbelievable, but also because the characters were not developed enough.


Enough? OK, at all.

"One Bride for Five Brothers" is a play on words off of a play on words, so that wasn't going to work. I needed a new title, and I also realized I needed to take out one other potential groom. Three guys were history, so I took their histories and spread their characteristics around to the remaining four. Now I had fully realized characters. I just hadn't fully realized the perfect title. I thought about it and thought about it, brainstorming every title I could think of until I came up with a new title that I thought was brilliant:

"Engaged in Conversation."

Problem was, every reader, writer and producer in Hollywood who saw it hated the title. I couldn't believe it. They didn't go for the script, either, obviously. Not so much because of what it had. It's what it didn't have: sex, nudity, drugs, weaponry or F-words.

I was not going to put that stuff in just to satisfy Hollywood. I am making this movie because I have a story to tell, but also because I believe there are not enough smart, entertaining movies appropriate for the whole family. So with no buyers, I decided to make the movie myself. And I came up with a title that was simple, straightforward and to the point.

Voila. "The Bride and the Grooms."